Futuristic E-Cigarette Bounty Hunter’s True Mission Revealed

April 29, 2022 3 min read

According to the Onion Several eyewitnesses in Atlanta, Georgia yesterday reported seeing a man who they believed to be some sort of futuristic bounty hunter sent from the future with a covert time-stream-altering mission of great importance to purse a rogue scientist who stole blueprints for a synthetic organism or a terrorist responsible for the cataclysmic 2748 terrorists attacks that wiped out Neo Jersey that all but rendered the Midwestern Seaboard uninhabitable for 2 million years.

However recent reports have brought to light something much more ominous and terrifying than first thought. The “mercenary” sent back alone, ecig in hand and equipped with an assortment of futuristic weaponry and a bad attitude has been sent back in time as mankind’s savoir to an apocalyptic future.

The year is 3216 and the earth’s surface is all but a smouldering, desert wasteland. Pockets of human survivors have made a last stance and joined a resistance in a final attempt to take back what was once theirs. Human-Mechanical beings walk the Earth actively looking to seek out and destroy the last remains of mankind.

Back in 3183 earth was a paradise, free from hunger and most diseases. Humanity evolved past its material fixation and the world’s economy is a distant memory. People worked not for capital but instead to better themselves and also to improve the life of others. Since the emergence of a one-world government technology boomed and the earth was a technological advanced planet. However it was this technology that was to be their downfall.

During the year 2014 World leaders took it upon themselves to eradicate electronic cigarettes from existence due to “safety concerns”. These devices, used by millions around the globe, helped individuals to fight back in their own war against their addiction to nicotine. Once outlawed the people had no option but to relapse and find comfort and solace in smoking.

Fast forward to just over a thousand years and technological advancements in the medical industry lead to artificial organs which could not only replace a smokers damaged organ/s but also acted more effectively and efficiently than their real counterparts. The only downside to these organs was that they degraded and started to malfunction after around 12 years of operation. Scientist, Robert Lowe, stumbled upon the significance of microscopic intelligent robots in which he created, named Nanites, as part of a private project named smoke3 in which he was working on to find a solution to the worlds smoking epidemic.

Along with an organ transplant a smoker received a shot of these Nanites which were injected into the smoker’s bloodstream where they would circulate around the body and repair and maintain the new artificial organs.

A Terrorist organisation, named Rampage, kidnapped Robert in the year 3215 and used his blueprints to create a virus that could be uploaded into the base code in an attempt to re-code the minute robots to cause havoc in their host’s body, destroying healthy cells, ultimately causing death. However unbeknown to Rampage, protocol #001 set by Mr Lowe meant that these machines could do no harm to humans. This set about a series of conflicts resulting in the AI robots coming up with the resolution that humans would have to be killed in order to protect them from themselves.

The Nanites which had the ability to replicate, merged themselves with their host’s cells turning the host into a human-robot hybrid. This new hybrid, set on the destruction of mankind, had increased strength and intelligence as well as regenerative capabilities. In just under a year mankind was all but wiped out and the fate of the human race lied in the hands of the unnamed Solider sent back by Commander Praxston of the 4th unit of the resistance. His mission, to eliminate the world leaders in 2014 that opposed electronic cigarettes and therefore stopping the chain reaction of events that lead Robert Lowe to discover the Nanites.